Thursday, April 17, 2008
The Puzzle
I will talk of a puzzle in my blog. Its a very complex puzzle. All parts are perfect and shining, but there is an element of apprenhension in each part. Each part wants to fit in its favourite place. Everyone wants to be a part of completed puzzle. Each part is equally good, but rather than looking at its own value, it is bothered about the other part. The puzzle is smiling at the pieces. It always knew that it was one puzzle. Blocks were cut out from it. Each piece has its place, still each part thought that it will find its place first. The parts forget that the puzzle is not complete till all parts find their place. After all the pieces are cut from it for a reason. :)
School dayz r back..
Reminds me of movie, "Sleepless in seattle." An avid sleeper, happy go lucky to hard working human. Thats the kind of transformation life is seeking from me. I am loving every moment of it. Have never stayed awake beyond 10 willingly, but time flies by here. Thats a b school. :)
Have never felt asleep while talking to anyone, but yesterday i fell asleep while talking to someone on phone, so here is the beginning. I always thought i can not sleep when a session is on, but my bheja was completely on to slide under the table while prof teaches. So, the naughty side is up. I am back to college.. :D
Have never felt asleep while talking to anyone, but yesterday i fell asleep while talking to someone on phone, so here is the beginning. I always thought i can not sleep when a session is on, but my bheja was completely on to slide under the table while prof teaches. So, the naughty side is up. I am back to college.. :D
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
First Day in School.. :)
It was Noni’s first day in school. My brother, knowing that I am excited to see his reaction in school, took me alongwith. Looking at 3 people, accompanying the child, teacher said, he will never stay in school, but what the heck, when he has a whole trail of people to love him, prince will have his followers follow him. :) Amazing was the experience. He had never seen so many kids of his size and then there were fishes in aquarium. He was excited. Like all kids, he loves animals, he was happy in jim Corbett last week and was really amazed to see tiger in nainital zoo. ( I m not telling my kids that there is a zoo in Nainital, it requires a lot of climbing the hill and kids ride on your back and refuse to walk. All of us were almost dead by the time we got to see snow leopard in zoo. :( ). It was all fun until we left him with kids and teachers. When we went in after 10 minutes, he came running and hugged us. It was one moment, when I lost all brain that I had ever had. He was scared that we had left him alone. He was crying and the tears were of fear. Something which had never happened earlier, I did not know why did the teacher let so much fear settle into him. I was furious.
We got him back home. Talking about the same to my mum, she smiled. She said it’s the same thing everytime I let you or your bro go. I have brought you up. However much life demands out of you, you remain to be someone who had been extremely dependent on me when you were infant. When I left you for 2 hours in first school, I cried because I was not sure if world will love you the way I do. Then things settled in my brain and now it’s a change every year. Still, when I let you go to a new world, my fear is that world out there does not hurt you, not to see tears in your eyes. It’s the way emotions are.
I did not know what to infer. But thinking on the same, I am heading for a b school in two days. I am too old to cry, but I am sure that I feel what Noni feels. It’s a feeling of excitement and fear. I also feel what my family feels, that they are letting me go into a world which is not so protective of me. They are excited because it’s a step forward in life, but they also feel sad that I will have to stay awake for 20 hours and will have to take the pressure of competition. Like my bro said, why did you not opt for studio apartment? Have your meals properly. You have never stayed awake for 20 hours, do your best, but not at the cost of your health. I am still Noni for all. Finally, why Noni will go to school is, because he knows he can play with kids and his mum will come to take him back home. So, I will go ahead in life because I know I have a wonderful family which loves me. :)
Nothing has changed since age 2 till now.. :)
We got him back home. Talking about the same to my mum, she smiled. She said it’s the same thing everytime I let you or your bro go. I have brought you up. However much life demands out of you, you remain to be someone who had been extremely dependent on me when you were infant. When I left you for 2 hours in first school, I cried because I was not sure if world will love you the way I do. Then things settled in my brain and now it’s a change every year. Still, when I let you go to a new world, my fear is that world out there does not hurt you, not to see tears in your eyes. It’s the way emotions are.
I did not know what to infer. But thinking on the same, I am heading for a b school in two days. I am too old to cry, but I am sure that I feel what Noni feels. It’s a feeling of excitement and fear. I also feel what my family feels, that they are letting me go into a world which is not so protective of me. They are excited because it’s a step forward in life, but they also feel sad that I will have to stay awake for 20 hours and will have to take the pressure of competition. Like my bro said, why did you not opt for studio apartment? Have your meals properly. You have never stayed awake for 20 hours, do your best, but not at the cost of your health. I am still Noni for all. Finally, why Noni will go to school is, because he knows he can play with kids and his mum will come to take him back home. So, I will go ahead in life because I know I have a wonderful family which loves me. :)
Nothing has changed since age 2 till now.. :)
Thursday, March 27, 2008
The Loss of Inheritance!!
This moment of time says that i have lost all my beautiful clothes, accessories, shoes and some books. My belongings which i couriered from Bangalore to Delhi have been misplaced. I dont know if i will get back my stuff or not, but it was everything that i ever bought and felt happy about in 4 years of my work life. It had my those little memories which might never come back to me.
I had bought a white lacy suit, a black dazzling saree, an extra expensive sandal, some beautiful earrings, my denim frock, my pink skirt ,my favourite night dress, and the teddy with whom i talked almost everyday. Its all over. These were the things i gifted to myself on special occasions. I was not an impulsive buyer but i do like to pamper myself. On every big achievement of mine, i had something which attracted me added to my wardrobe or bookshelf. I was never keen on big things in life, but these small things mattered a lot to me.
Everyone says they were just clothes, but why do i feel as if i have been devoid of all happiness in life and made to stand on ground 0. It was everything that earning gave to me as a person after 12 hours of hard work everyday. I dont know about my bank balance, i never touched the salary cash with my hands, it was all a number, only thing that i could touch and feel were these little things. Is it all over? Why do i feel i am being brought to ground zero? Not that those clothes defined me, but i possessed them, they were mine. I will come out of it, but i feel bankrupt.
I had bought a white lacy suit, a black dazzling saree, an extra expensive sandal, some beautiful earrings, my denim frock, my pink skirt ,my favourite night dress, and the teddy with whom i talked almost everyday. Its all over. These were the things i gifted to myself on special occasions. I was not an impulsive buyer but i do like to pamper myself. On every big achievement of mine, i had something which attracted me added to my wardrobe or bookshelf. I was never keen on big things in life, but these small things mattered a lot to me.
Everyone says they were just clothes, but why do i feel as if i have been devoid of all happiness in life and made to stand on ground 0. It was everything that earning gave to me as a person after 12 hours of hard work everyday. I dont know about my bank balance, i never touched the salary cash with my hands, it was all a number, only thing that i could touch and feel were these little things. Is it all over? Why do i feel i am being brought to ground zero? Not that those clothes defined me, but i possessed them, they were mine. I will come out of it, but i feel bankrupt.
The Painting!!
Its a blank canvas. The color is white. There are various shapes which have been drawn by time and life. The color is still white. Then comes the painter, the color is not white. The painting has got a whole life painted, the shapes have meaning and there are shades all around. Shades of emotions and life. The background is still white. The painting is admired by one and all. It has reached to an art gallery. The admirers are growing, so is its value. Painter is proud, so is painting, but the background is white. Then one day, someone comes and splashes the water all over. The colors have spilled, shapes have got distorted, painting is crying and then painter says, " Hang on, the background is still white. As long as background is white, life can be painted time and again. Its only when the background is lost, that one loses all hopes. " :)
The painting smiles. The painting is painted again. Its background is white. [ White stands for humility. ]
The painting smiles. The painting is painted again. Its background is white. [ White stands for humility. ]
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Its about Moti Pilla!!!
Its about those two little eyes i love. With every passing day i like Noni more and more and more. He has learned to speak. He loves to blabber, he does not want to sleep and he wants to talk. I like the innocence in his eyes, fun in his soul. I think kids are the best thing in this world and i do feel that JK Rowling is the most successful woman in this world. Its not easy to get into child's world. Like every time noni sleeps with me, i try to make a story full of animals who look cute and adorable. Something tells me his world is so amazing, its full of toys, games, 4 of us. :) The other day he woke up from his sleep crying for a balloon, it must have been a sweet dream. Noni, your bua loves you, you dont even know how much happiness you spread around. Its these little walks with you in search of moti pilla, shyama chiriya that i will miss when i am not around. And i also know that no one in this world can love me the way you do. Its always bua, kaana kaa lo, bua kelo, bua paani peena hai, bua doggie hai, bua cat hai, bua superman hai, bua butu hai. :D You will always remain to be my favourite baby, always, always, always.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
A world beyond!!
Its about my journey over this weekend. We happened to visit some remote places in rajastan. Its not the first time that i went there, but i think i observed quite a few things. I liked the journey coz it was my whole family with me. Sitting next to my driving brother, i wondered how long will it take to reach, and thanks to the amazing highways, we were there in straight 4hours. Its our ancestral temple place called, Fatehpur, which was our destination. We have our kuldevi there and we try to visit the place atleast once in an year. I dont know i believe in God or not, but i do have an element of faith that there is something good about having faith. :) I like everything about that place. The inherent simplicity, the lifetsyle, inherent little happiness. I love it all. I so badly want to peep through those windows and see what life with no complexity would look like.
The earlier stays used to be at our own temple house, but this time we stayed in a hotel called, "Haveli". The hotel was constructed in a haveli. Houses there are huge mansions. They have big squares surrounded by huge rooms. When i was a little child, papa took me to our Haveli, it is supposed to be the largest mansion in the surrounding, it had 7 squares, huge doors, a well in back yard, beautifully painted walls. I was like, papa was a king may be. :) Papa took me through half of the haveli as its too big to cover. He showed me room which belonged to my dadi ma. The yard, where cows and camels used to ke kept. It was in bad state then. No one lives there anymore. The haveli was left when my dad was 4-5 years old may be. But i remember, as a kid it was all like a fairy tale to me.
Today, after years may be, it still is a fairy tale to me. There are cemented small roads, no big cars, some 8 seater autos, huge huge mansions, small, little shops and those windows i want to look into. As i stood in the temple, i remembered of a girl whom i have seen everytime i have visited this temple. And i said God, will she still be here? God is powerful, i was sitting in one corner pondering, when i heard the temple bell and i looked at the girl's face, yes, she is there. I did not say anything to her, i am sure she would not recognize me, its just one of those little memories in my head. Its all so familiar. Some facts of life never change.
We headed for some market tour. There were small shops of laquere bangles, shining laces, suits, shoes. I decided to buy a pair of pearl bangles for me. Two women slightly shy looked at me and said wear both, you have bought them.(there is no system of carrying bangles in packet, you buy and you wear.) I smiled and kind of felt proud to possess the white delicacy. This is called simple pleasure. I never felt so when i shop worth thousands in bangalore or delhi.
I love the way youngsters dressed like salman khan, ride on their bike to no where. There are shy young girls, who will sit on small shops and spend hours bargaining for local lipsticks worth 15. The old women sitting infront of houses and keeping an eye on neighbours. Ever wondered, life is just so simple for these people. Its about two little sweet shops, a visit to temple for prasad, about the latests in town gossip and a peaceful sleep. There are no BIG cars, no furniture shops, no big dreams which keep you awake whole night. Its about two meals and your image in the small town.
As we headed back to delhi, the roads started widening, the expenses started increasing, the complexity started building up. My mind was full of pre terms, accounts, finance, big dreams, confusions. I want to live a life as simple as the one i left behind, for a day. I know its difficult, but i want to experience it for a day may be. Its just the inherent innocence of being untouched by moribund city life, which makes those people so lovable. I wish i could erase all my learnings and experience the happiness of possessing those white pearl bangles for a day and sleep with a certainity of a similar day coming up. Things have started changing so often in my life that the word "routine" has lost its meaning. I am sure that while things will become better in worldly sense, i feel i will lose myself and my free spirit with every step up. Its all a fairy tale for sure. In real life, my mind has been corrupted, i know luxuries, i know comforts. Happiness is not so simple for me, may be its a world beyond.
The earlier stays used to be at our own temple house, but this time we stayed in a hotel called, "Haveli". The hotel was constructed in a haveli. Houses there are huge mansions. They have big squares surrounded by huge rooms. When i was a little child, papa took me to our Haveli, it is supposed to be the largest mansion in the surrounding, it had 7 squares, huge doors, a well in back yard, beautifully painted walls. I was like, papa was a king may be. :) Papa took me through half of the haveli as its too big to cover. He showed me room which belonged to my dadi ma. The yard, where cows and camels used to ke kept. It was in bad state then. No one lives there anymore. The haveli was left when my dad was 4-5 years old may be. But i remember, as a kid it was all like a fairy tale to me.
Today, after years may be, it still is a fairy tale to me. There are cemented small roads, no big cars, some 8 seater autos, huge huge mansions, small, little shops and those windows i want to look into. As i stood in the temple, i remembered of a girl whom i have seen everytime i have visited this temple. And i said God, will she still be here? God is powerful, i was sitting in one corner pondering, when i heard the temple bell and i looked at the girl's face, yes, she is there. I did not say anything to her, i am sure she would not recognize me, its just one of those little memories in my head. Its all so familiar. Some facts of life never change.
We headed for some market tour. There were small shops of laquere bangles, shining laces, suits, shoes. I decided to buy a pair of pearl bangles for me. Two women slightly shy looked at me and said wear both, you have bought them.(there is no system of carrying bangles in packet, you buy and you wear.) I smiled and kind of felt proud to possess the white delicacy. This is called simple pleasure. I never felt so when i shop worth thousands in bangalore or delhi.
I love the way youngsters dressed like salman khan, ride on their bike to no where. There are shy young girls, who will sit on small shops and spend hours bargaining for local lipsticks worth 15. The old women sitting infront of houses and keeping an eye on neighbours. Ever wondered, life is just so simple for these people. Its about two little sweet shops, a visit to temple for prasad, about the latests in town gossip and a peaceful sleep. There are no BIG cars, no furniture shops, no big dreams which keep you awake whole night. Its about two meals and your image in the small town.
As we headed back to delhi, the roads started widening, the expenses started increasing, the complexity started building up. My mind was full of pre terms, accounts, finance, big dreams, confusions. I want to live a life as simple as the one i left behind, for a day. I know its difficult, but i want to experience it for a day may be. Its just the inherent innocence of being untouched by moribund city life, which makes those people so lovable. I wish i could erase all my learnings and experience the happiness of possessing those white pearl bangles for a day and sleep with a certainity of a similar day coming up. Things have started changing so often in my life that the word "routine" has lost its meaning. I am sure that while things will become better in worldly sense, i feel i will lose myself and my free spirit with every step up. Its all a fairy tale for sure. In real life, my mind has been corrupted, i know luxuries, i know comforts. Happiness is not so simple for me, may be its a world beyond.
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