Confessions of a shopaholic.. :P

Yep, this is not essentially something which will help me get rid of my guilt, but nevertheless i need to give it a go somewhere. So, i am a proud owner of some of the nicest dresses in London. Why? I dont know, i liked them. How? i have no idea, i just thought they looked good and i should wear them sometime , someday; so why not buy them and squeeze into my almirah.. With whom?? I havent figured out yet, but may be dinner with special friends where i will have to force everyone to come well dressed, so that i could dress up.. But the fact of life is, i love them.. i have worn them 20 times since morning and am happy to wear and show them to anyone who asks me to do so.. :P
One of the dresses is black in color and other is red from neck to knee.. and then there is another black print frock which is out of the world simple and beautiful.. apart from this i also have a net top and a black JC frock which i thought i would return, only to be stopped by a friend, "No, this is too good, just keep it.." "Ok, if this is meant for me, it cant go anywhere.. :P".. havent checked my bank balance yet, but then i dont want to; those numbers dont mean a thing to me, these colors mean so much to me.. i dont even want to keep them in my almirah, i am going to have them all around me so that i could wake up from my sleep and see them.. :) I will also have to buy a red shoe else i can not wear the red dress.. some more tasks at hand before i reach there.. :)

Thank you God for giving me all these clothes today.. I know that not always can you buy what you like and you need to put a limit to everything.. I just wanted to do it today and i think i will stay low profile for next 6 months..

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Dear Blog,

Guess what? This is the year when three of us best of friends are together in London.. So, we had this long discussion on how life has been, i had very little to contribute (i guess out of sight is out of mind stands so true for me); according to Nimbz, i have bad memory and i dont remember anything about life so i keep smiling and looking at all of them while they speak; as per him nothing about me has changed, which he finds disturbing :).. Nimbz has all the series of Tom and Jerry and Friends , hence i become useless once i enter his home, i dont look at anyone and talk to anyone.. he has a karaoke kit too and we sang some 20 songs, in the worst of our voices, loudest of all.. But then Nimbz is a star, he can not get as bad with his singing as we all can, he sang his fav song with guitar and i was reminded of the most amazing lyrics from UB4.. it was an amazing day with so much fun.. Thank You God for this life, you are my favourite!.. :) Also, i have an amazing secret santa gift.. It is an ipod Nano blue in color.. I think i know who my Santa is :).. I had decided to punish myself for leaving overcoats, sandals and ipod on airport by not buying me replacement for an year (2011 has 2 jackets, one ipod and 2 pairs of shoes to its credit lost on airport)..I think my Santa knew that running without an ipod is so much of a task, so i have a new one which i have setup for myself (No one says no when Santa gives you something :P).. yey! I love christmas, its not only boring parties, it is also gifts.. Ok, i am not only taking gifts, i am being a good girl, i am also giving everyone gifts.. :)

For memory, the good lyrics.. :)
Wise men say only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay
Would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you

Like a river flows surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand, take my whole life too
For I can't help falling in love with you


Your Truly

Changing moods of life..

It was a normal weekend.. i was happy and tending to do lots of things, but not doing anything.. Got a call from one of my friends from college.. I had not met her in last one and a half years.. There are so many people i have just not found time to meet, but i have been in touch with her on call.. As i picked up the call, i heard a very heavy voice on the other end.. there was something wrong, she never cries.. As useless as i am in such situations, i could not ask her what was wrong, i could only use some lame words like things will be fine, whatever it is.. I have no clue why, but i cant ask anyone anything, i just dont find it important to make someone revisit something painful for my quest for information.. We stayed on call for half an hour, till she felt better.. i asked her if she would like to go home for some days, to which she agreed.. After sorting the tickets, i decided to visit her in person to hand over her tickets.. I had never seen her so sad in the time that i had known her; she is just not one of those people who get sad for no reason.. again, as useless as i am, i did not know what to ask.. i stared at doors, windows, looked at her, asked her if she would like to come out for coffee.. but her silence did not break.. She asked me if she could hug me to which i said yes.. again, i did not know what to ask, how to comfort her..
While i dont know what happened, i just know that it felt very heavy to see someone as happy as her sad.. everything within me sank, i felt so helpless with all my presence, i could not have changed anything for her.. I just know that such dormancy and sadness sets in when one loses hopes in life.. expectations, attachments and hopes can shatter people and that is why i hate them.. i just know that anything that kills spirit and smile is not worthy of tears; it needs to be thrown in dust bin without regrets and any further emotional investment.. I so hate broken spirits, i think its fine to loose, win, break bones, but worst is when something breaks your spirit to live and find meaning in life.. For now, i just pray to God that i see the same lovely smile and life back in her, it hurts to see broken spirit; it just makes me realize the vanity in human existence..

Neemrana fort to Reading..

I always believe that we come across people for a reason, there is some connect.. This was one of the evenings when i was coming back from Reading.. There was a very interesting counter right in the middle of station with some offers around paint ball.. I am usually in hurry and hence tend to completely ignore anything around me.. But for some strange reason, i just stood on the counter and started talking to the guy who explained me about the scheme and where all can i avail the offer etc.. Suddenly he said in hindi," achaa hai, lei lo".. I was all smiles and where did you learn such perfect hindi from?? "well i was in India for sometime.. i ahve been to Rajasthan.."" Where in India are you from?".. I was born in jaipur and then ofcourse many cities.. ""Well well, have you been to Neemrana fort?? Have you seen the zipping that they have?? I set it up, i trained Hari on it, he now runs it".. "ofcourse, i have been to neemrana and i know zipping and the guy who ran it then".. its scary but good fun, its quite popular.. :D
We guys had this long discussion on how much he liked India, how he missed Hari who seemed to have settled in his heart, on the simplicity and love that India showered on him and how it changed him completely as a person.. In a very emotional tone, he told me that i was very lucky to be born in such a country, where people are simple, loving and nice; that he probably discovered family , love and affection in the innocence with which people welcomed him and made him feel at home in India.. I nodded my head in affirmation, i know that i am lucky to be born in India and i am very proud of the fact that i am an Indian.. there are many things which need to change and get better; it has its imperfections, but it has basics in place..
I had to move now, and his last words left me very touched.. Hari told me that i will see India everywhere , no matter where i go, i will feel the connect; i guess that is why Neemrana Fort to Reading i never thought i will find someone who has seen both places and can connect the dots for me.. Indeed, i never thought i will also meet someone who setup zipping in Nimrana in Reading.. :)

A winter evening..

It was a colder than usual day.. I was too cold sitting in office, all that i wanted was to get inside my cosy blanket and sleep.. I wrapped up my work and walked towards home.. An old Indian couple travelled with me all the way from canary wharf to central london.. there is some sense of familiarity, may be in the skin tone, or oneness that we have due to similar roots.. they asked me if i could ensure that they get down at the right station.. they looked lost and nervous.. i started to talk.. So, uncle, is this your first trip to London? yes beta.. and then i could see the pride on their face.. "our son works here, he is big now, he has been calling us since many years, but i was too busy, this time he did not agree so we decided to come down.. he is very busy, so he cant take us around, but he has told us everything, its just that it gets dark too early so i thought if you could guide us.." "its fine uncle, i can find my way in London, so this is doable.."
And then uncle asked me about what do i do.. i had an interesting story to tell around work that i do( wonder where do i get it from?).. then came a rather sweet question.. "dont you feel scared staying so far away from home?" i thought for a while.. " No uncle, there is nothing to be scared of.. i dont remember any fears of survival being on my mind.. there is wierd sense of satisfaction in struggling and learning that, come what may, you will survive and God willing thrive.. :)" uncle had some more questions on London and western lifestyle and then unlike me, i managed to find way for them in one go.. uncle insisted that i have a cup of coffee with them.. as i gathered my stuff to walk out, uncle and aunty put their hands on my head very lovingly and said that your parents must be very proud of you..
i was taken aback by the moment.. there was something very unique about my dad, he was always very proud of us; he dint need reason for it.. whether we stood bottom in class ( i did , my KG report cards are scary:)), stood last in painting, did nothing.. he was always proud.. there was this unconditional love, faith and trust; no matter who you are, what you do, where you go, i will always have confidence that you will survive it.. sometimes well, sometimes may be not that well, but you will live it and most importantly not regret it.. i dont think end result really mattered to him, it was always about the journey and the spirit with which one went past it.. he would have never asked me "are you scared of anything?" he never did.. he would rather say, go and explore if you fall, call me :), but dont hold yourself.. Its one life, live in the moment; as long you dont hurt others, you have every right to live..

With lots of thoughts on my mind, i bid good bye and travelled back to a good night sleep.. From finding way to showing way, it must have been quite an experience, though beauty about life is, when you are in it, you dont know it.. :)

Happy Children..

It was a normal day after a hectic week.. I just closed my eyes after end to end calls to gather myself back and dont know why, a thought hit me in my head; something told me i will be rich and successful.. i have no clue why that came to my mind, but it did and something tells me i have always known it, never wanted it, but headed towards it with complete calm and i will get there.. i freaked out with my closed eyes.. this is precisely what i dreaded, all the while life was conspiring for this.. but why? why will this happen and what is the purpose of this life.. some memories flashed infront of my eyes.. it took me to some of the worst aspects of life which left me shaken.. my visit to orphanage in Bangalore where kids did not know what being loved means, they ofcourse dont miss it, coz they dont know what it is.. the innocence in the eyes of 8 year old newspaper seller on new year night who was happy to see so many lights and people on street at night, happy to sell newspapers, he obviously did not know what childhood means.. it kept on getting complicated by every minute when i opened my eyes.. i packed my bags and headed to home, i was not at peace, something was wrong in the day.. there was conflict in my mind on what i was trying to achieve and what i needed to accomplish.. they are not disconnected, one is needed for other.. but i need to find the other and leverage first to make progress..

i have always felt passionately about "happy childhood" being a fundamental right to be granted to all.. i feel its the moral responsibility of human race to let every life live and enjoy its innocence till he is prepared to take on the big bad world.. nothing hurts me more than seeing a child who is hungry, not warm and working or someone who matures at that age to know what does not work.. i feel it is unfair to kill the hopes and foundation of life in someone who can not fight it back.. child needs to be a child and we as grown ups need to ensure that it is protected.. we need to give them all standard growth platform and bring them to a racing track from where they take off and create their space..for every happy child that is in home, we need to make sure that there is another who gets his childhood back and gets to live and grow exactly similar way.. unfortunately, i dont know the way today, i never knew the way to anything but i do manage to find way once i know the destination..
for now friends, i know we all are rich and successful enough to read out a story to a sad child,make his new year special,fund his nutrition and diet for an year, ensure an year's education for a child and reaffirm his hope in life and the fact that God did not do injustice to his life when he was helpless and innocent to build it for himself.. do make that extra effort to be successful in making this world a better place..

The Saturday Night Adventure..

One of those days in life when every trial is just perfect. Me and Kady decided to spend a saturday having "fun". And trust me Kady is fun woman, so she can make it happen. So, we started with a movie "Ides of March".. George Clooney is hot as ever, do i have to repeat it nth time, but Ryan Gosling had beaten him in this movie, he was as impressive and hot and handsome as one can get.. The movie was engrossing, had a very gripping story line and guess what? While wearing my coat, i dropped my keys in pop corn packet.. There was a frantic search for my keys with theatre staff wondering where did it fly only to be found in pop corn packet in my hand. Such is life, we all laughed at it; happens..
Then was a wild expedition.. We decided to try aunthentic greek place called Elysee.. This has live music band that plays at night, if you wish, you could tap feet on greek music or enjoy them doing it AND if all that wasnt enough, they break plates to give it the greek feel. Loved it, it was really an experience and food was good.. We ordered some mezze and then decided to food hop and go to Enamo, this is an oriental place where you can order from your table using a projected menu.. We tried a japanese drink and some food.. Must say, this is not a place you should miss for the feel of it.. Food is not bad either.. We then decided to move to Liecester square to track the night life of London (when you stay in central, you walk there :)).. The buzzing music, pub agents all marketing their music, their crowd etc.. We decided to visit a place and the music turned out to be real good.. You know how much i love dancing and when it comes to it, i do have stamina to carry on till eternity.. :)
We reached home and decided that we will have brunch at some nice place, do a red velvet cake in hummingbird and end the day.. If you havent, you must try this small place called Lantana for burnch in Charlotte place.. There is usually no place to sit and people waiting outside, but it is every bit worth the wait.. So, yes with that ended a day of good food, good places and fun.. Lets not talk about the follow up on laundry, and other works and yes a great home cooked meal at a dear friend's place on sunday.. That was the best really, home cooked food takes away the cake; (i did not cook it, so you can be fine, someone else's home cooked meal, alright!! .. :P). Indeed, we found love in a hopeless place. :)

Yellow diamonds in the light
And we're standing side by side
As your shadow crosses mine
What it takes to come alive

It's the way I’m feeling I just can't deny
But I've gotta let it go

We found love in a hopeless place

Shine a light through an open door
Love and life I will divide
Turn away cause I need you more
Feel the heartbeat in my mind

Do we really know what being educated means.. :)

It is interesting how many graduates and post graduates our country churns out every year, but it is really sad to see that we have misunderstood the meaning of education and many of us have remained illiterate. Education does not mean adding degrees to your kitty, become proud and arrogant, make money and put to rest the case of every other existence. No, it means, humility to grow everyday, it means empathy to understand people around you and help them live and grow and it indeed means realization that you have just been one of those fortunate kids, to be born in families who could afford to give you dream and exposure to pursue, what forms the basis of your existence today. However, our education system has failed to broadly give people social mindset, it had probably given them maths, science and english. And now i kind of see why my friends who have studied far wide and have travelled tend to seem so normal to me against the ones who have always been comforted by the social edge that our nation gives.
It was an interesting evening. A friend of mine has moved to London and he decided to have a small get together. It was meant to be 5 of us close friends, but somehow one led to other and there were 20 of us :). I am not a big socialite. I am peace loving person who enjoys intelligent humour and conversation, i have kind and nice friends and we have been there for years that we have known each other, through thick and think. Crowd has never been easy for me. Only thing that comes to my rescue is that i can turn into a good listener to strangers and hence the small talk people can talk at me.. :P From that perspective it was an interesting evening. While i managed to run like a shadow behind my friend like a 2 year old child runs after her mother seeing so many unknown faces, and being a friend that he is, he ensured that he searched for me if i was not within his periphery. In one of the group conversations with majority of guys and few girls, one of the guys happened to discuss on how women blocked the seats in colleges, how they are not good enough for growth and jobs etc and as if that wasnt enough, how education is ruining their mindset and hence is a social issue. :D. I wanted to debate but, i just happened to tell him one thing, " I used to be against reservation for females in colleges etc, always thought it wasnt required. But males like you need 50% females sitting in your classroom to really give you a feel of their intelligence and capability and also make you understand that they are humans like you. Suppression is a social issue, it had to break someday for good. You will never really be literate and educated till you go through that. You will just be an insensitive idiot making money because he knows maths, science and english, you are not a human..".. And even better was what my friend told, " All that i learned through my educational years was power that diversity brings in.. Unique perspective that girls bring to table, that different people from different geos bring in and the fact that underneath we are all human, we all want to be happy, dream, feel good about our existence.. the social issue in India is the fact that you graduated with 2 girls in your classroom never thinking why only 2 and what does it feel like to be 2 in a class of 40.. what is really going wrong here is that your colleges dont churn out leaders, they add a layer of english to engineers and analysts.. as an alum you should ask for better female ratios in colleges and also understand them more to leverage their strength in making team work effective.."
It is interesting sometimes to know what people think. :) I used to think we all are equal, but i think i am just fortunate to have friends and family who have been educated in real sense. And while i was sitting in one corner and thinking why so much hatred for women and a constant attempt to push them down? My friend, who always finds me no matter which corner i hide in :), came and said, " you know, had it not been for girls and their brains in this world, there would not have been so many colors, designs, dishes, creativity and life.. they do well, no matter whatever be the challenges.. and on top of all that, they are , balanced, sweet and nice too.. ".. Me, "right and had it not been for guys who would have admired colors, designs, watched the same cricket match 10 times and make unbalanced decisions and take high risks to bring the economy where it is today.." ..We both laughed at the whole incident and decided that some fools learn it hard way.. :D

Learnings in life!!

It is amazing how less we know about ourselves. And how end up losing to ourselves some of the unkown battles of life.. This is about an experience i had few months back.. i went for a buffet with some friends.. laughing and chatting on some things which mattered and some that dint.. there was a debate on what is that unavoidable quality in someone we really like.. no one knows.. so, there were some generic answers that came out.. on smartness, intelligence, compassion.. blah blah.. and then i happned to get up to take a second serving ( hungry as ever, yours truly:)).. i did not notice who was infront of me, i simply queued.. suddenly, a very kind looking and caring face turned towards me, you seem to be hungry?? i smiled, i said yes; had a long day.. and to the best gesture that anyone had ever done to me in last 10 years, the person turned and said how about me helping you choose the dishes that are good and also filling your plate along with mine.. i could not say anything, i followed silently.. i dont know what followed in my plate as my head was simply nodding, my mind was thinking how as a child i used to be chatter box and had it not been for papa consciously putting something in my plate, i would have filled my stomach with talks every night.. :) like everything else, this had to end, so it ended and i came back to my world with a plate full of best food..
it was my turn to talk, and God had told me the answer which i never thought was really my answer few minutes back.. i shouted: kindness, ability to think of others just the way you think for yourself and sometimes understanding that there is some other self who needs to take your thrill moment because his or her happiness will just add to yours.. the sexiest thing in life my dear friends, is a beautiful mind which shows in the patience in your voice, in the cure of your touch and your ability to drive your intelligence to bring out the best in everything around you.. i really had a plate full of best food and it had an effect which 1000 words could have never had on me.. :)

Primrose Hill!

This is about how i have spent a fair deal of my summer in London this time. I wanted to take a break from my routine gymming and walking or running in Regent's park looked like a fair deal to me. Its a huge, beautiful park right in the heart of London and at walkable distance from my place. The more i discover it, more i like it. There is a small pond with ducks and cranes who do walk on the park lanes, there are huge football fields and so many people gather in evening to play, something i did all my childhood religiously. :) And then one day i walked through this rose garden to this 200 Plus feet hill in the center of the city. I was too tired by the time i reached there. Decided to sit on the hilltop, i could see whole of London and the transition from daylight to night; made my day and i knew i loved it, i am going to come here every evening and watch the day end. If there is anything that leaves one calm and at peace, i guess its the natural beauty and time spent with it in silence. Few days back while i was sitting on the hill and watching the horizon and expanse of the city, i just thought, this is what life is all about-- exploration and the feel of being with nature.. i was literally on top of the world, at peace with myself and smiling; watching the world go by.. I wondered if this was the best part of my life and if i will ever regret if tomorrow never comes.. :)(Yeah, i know i have to give free and unwanted gyaan to many, so tomorrow has to come but then.. :P)

Something too true to be neglected.. :)

Read on a social networking site and thought it should stay with me somewhere, this is as raw and right as it can get.. :)

There is always (Truth) ... behind (Just Kidding)
A little (Emotion) ... behind ( I Don't Care)
There is always a little (Pain) ... behind (It's OK)
A little (I Need You) ... behind (Leave Me Alone)
And a lot of (Words) ... behind (Silence) ...

World Cup

Yes, this is april 2, 2011, it is after 28 years that men in blue lift up the world cup to show to the world that India and Indians stand tall.

I am not a die hard cricket fan, i do enjoy India Pakistan clash, but anything else never bothered me. But this event just stood up and stood high. My cell started buzzing non stop and friends from all over the world, just wanted to say, " see, your India won, your team won." I always feel there is something about our DNA, we are survivers. There are some things which are bad about us too, specially Indians do not essentially know how to treat women well, but all in all as i said we are survivers.

Must say, i was also high on emotions. Its a proud moment. We do not have the means, most of the players struggle to reach the national teams, they dont essentially get the world class facilties, but in the end when they win, we all win as a nation, inspite of all odds, we stand tall. It is not just world cup for many, its recognition, pride, hard work and tribute to the master blaster for his larger than life innings in endless cricket performances; yes i am talking of none other than Tendulkar. This probably was his last world cup. This cup is a tribute to his humility, focus and goodness which showed in his character for as many as 21 years of his cricket career. No, he was never rich, famous and arrogant; he was always rich, famous, humble, perfect and lovable. No wonder, with cup he was also lifted. :)

Thanks Team India, it is your hard work and nation's prayers, we mark this year in history; we are world champions in more than one way. :)

Broadly defining life!

So, today is when i wanted to sit and think peacefully what is it that i like doing in life and would continue to do.. There are just so many things which i did not choose, but happened to be circumstantial and given that more often than not i take life as it comes, i have been fine and i always think when people cant think for themselves, God does.. :)

But somethings which i really think i would like to keep or bring in me till i die are:

-- Walk. I think i love to walk for miles with greens all around.. alone, with friends, with music, without music.. i just love to walk when everything around is silent.. i have noticed that i am not a party animal, i can manage with any kind of day, when i end it with a long walk.. anything i observe on my way teaches me something about life and it gives me time to talk about the day, think about the day and just dump the day with good thoughts and new learnings.. i have made some of the bestest friends during my walks..
-- Talk. Yes, many people know me as extrovert and equally know me as introvert.. fact of life is i love to talk to the right people.. talk about anything under the sun.. dumbest to smartest.. discuss on everything seen and unseen.. i like it when my day ends with talking and laughing with some of my good friends here.. i think, i do talk a lot, no matter where i go, i always find some people to hang around with and eat heads of.. the point is, i never regret the time spent talking, so thats something i will want to make an integral part of life..
-- Think. funny, but i like to think on anything and tell my mind to keep calm, have patience and pray to God to not give me the best , but give me the wisdom to handle good and bad with equal peace.. Thinking is just so impotant to keep ones mind from going off track.. if thoughts are streamlined right everyday, there is little that ups and downs of life can do.. i always wanted to learn to meditate, it probably is complex for me, but i can do simple streamlining of thoughts everyday to think good and do good..
-- Grow. no matter what it is, mental growth is very important for me.. i have realized it has no connection with a job.. it has got to do with your thoughts, what you learn from your surrounding, people around you, books you read and activities you do to make your day.. I have to change and change for good every passing day.. if i were to wake up as same human 2 years down the line, i will be disappointed.. there is just so much to change to be a "human"..
-- Empathize. Have a feeling of respect and understanding for all, no matter how my mind categorizes them.. this is tough one.. it deteorates with time, but it should ideally get better as you move in life.. i dont want to be judgemental and i dont want to categorize people and behave differently with different category..
-- Have fun. watch movie, eat ice creams, travel, eat out.. do whatever, but when i die, know that i lived it..
-- Tolerate. Neutralize feelings and thoughts. Diffuse the negativity out of any discussion and then take it on.. reactions are not worth everyone and every discussion..

In the end, i came to conclusion, i like to be happy and peaceful and it takes all of the above to maintain it. No matter what i live for, how i live; in the end i should make trade offs which dont come on the way to any of the above because thats probably what i want to achieve in life, everything else is just a means to it.

Liverpool

It was march 1 and i had to travel to Liverpool on a weekday.. I took a night train from london , the journey is 2 hours. I had made a booking in one of the hotels near lime street which is in the heart of the city. I must admit, though the choice of hotel was made on internet, i quite liked it. I had some work on tuesday morning, so day started early, but it ended by mid day; then on was my tryst with the third largest city in England. I walked my way to the waterfront.. The river side is a beautiful walk and there is a nice pub overlooking the river which shows the liverpool soccer matches recording which you can enjoy over a coffee or drink.. I started with it.. It was good to grab bite on a riverside place..
I then decided to take a hop on and hop off tour on the bus to travel around the city.. The city boasts of magnificient old buildings.. the ports of Liverpool were famous for trade and slavery trade was prominent here.. i happened to spend a fraction of my time in museums near Albert Dock educating myself on the city and what it stood for in old times.. the city is associated with some magnificient ships like titanic which unfortunately wre also symbolic of tragey.. There are large cathedrals one of which is desingned by the guy who happned to also design the red telephone booths which i am sure all of us have either seen or been into..
The city to me looked quite small.. city center is paved walk, no traffic and gives a small town feel..
i might be wrong but i always like people in small towns.. they are more open and simple.. same was for liverpool.. they have some kind of accent which tends to grow on you.. food is average, nothing tht i came across worth mentioning.. BTW, they ahve some grand historically relevant pubs and hotels.. the beatles spirit is all around, there are special pubs which play their music and are meant for Beatles fans.. :)
I reached back to station well in advance as my long walk ended into it.. i decided to stay put in customer lounge.. a brit born chinese, who happned to be really sad entered into the place.. he started praising india women and india and given that he decided to completely ignore my laptop, i decided to talk for 5-10 mins.. frankly, it was kind of scary moment.. he started crying saying life is tough and lots of things which i could probably not comprehend.. i decided to stay cool and in name of humanity not to run away and leave the person in misery.. i got some food for myself and him.. he got better and smiled, in the end he said i wanted to die but not nemore after which i completely ignored him.. more people came in so felt better.. finally took trai back to london and sweet home..

People, London is damn expensive.. You can afford 10 times better lifestyle with same expense in any city outside.. :) [ will add pics of liverpool in time ]

Inspiration!!

What is so common among all who do well and make their mark in life?? Most of us die ordinary.. we are born in comfortable setup, we know how to find faults, we know who can solve our problems for us and we die average.. with a few lakhs here and there, we die same..
Then, there are street hawkers, Dhiru bhai Ambani's, Chris Gardners of the world.. nothing seems to be working for them.. born in poverty, struggling for food, no one seems to be solving anything for them.. they dont have a choice but to fight and then one of such million fights turns their fate.. what dsnt change?? they keep fightng till they die, its an addiction, they dont realize till the end of their life that they achieved what they fought for long back.. With a lot of lakhs here and there and addiction to generate them, they die same.. just that they become inspiration for millions before they die..
So, what does really drive you to make your mark in life? Circumstances? Yes, in more cases than not.. Drive? Yes, if you dont fee like giving up, its a genetic disorder you have and you will carry it.. passion? you have to be mad enough to not be pulled by crowd of averagers who think you are hitting in dark, while they really are.. last but not least, perseverance to follow the silver lining in dark crowd till the last breath of your life!! Really, the ones who give inspirational speeches, dont really care about them.. their life is a never ending journey to move and learn.. there is never enough to stop and feel proud about and feel thankful about.. In the end, nothing is good or bad, great or faulty, right or wrong.. if you became an inspiration, you probably fought all your life and in the process never sat and looked back at life; if you did not, you probably did not fight for anything, so you dont know what is it to create and live a life of your own.. Life is equally exciting for the 0.5% who stand of stage and inspire and 99.5% who sit on chairs aspire..

Trust!

So, i wonder whats so magical about trust? Is there a science behind it? Actually, its that inner feel, blink or gut feel. Its somewhere on the face and heart and mind. But no one knows what leads to it..

My journey to Canary Wharf is 45 mins, i love the new friends that i have made, all from different locations, aspirations and thought process, but we just connect.
While coming back in tube, i jumped in it last minute, there was an Indian guy who caught the tube with me almost every day around similar time. My spectacular last minute catch made him smile and ask me about my efficient run from almost 40 stairs.. :D

We got talking and with no basic questions on who, what, when, we just talked about India and work and about when he came back 3 years ago what he felt were challenges etc and i listened with interest and moved on..

Next day, we caught the same train again, the guy told me about the game he used to play while travelling back home and i tried my hand at it, i was pathetic..
anyway, next day again we were in same train. Suddenly, he came and handed over the game to me.. he said there is this guy stepping in, he is my peer and he will eat my head for next two stations. I dont want to end my game like this, i need to win this. Will you play it for me? A lil caught by surprise and nervous knowing that i could only contribute to failure in the game, i said how can i hold the fort to help you win, i am not good at it..

He said of little tht i know, i trust you.. you will not only hold the fort, you will do it with good scores.. with this he was greeted by his useless peer and i was on the game.. I have no clue what happened for next 10 mins, i just know i was sincerely trying to keep upto his trust, not really knowing what were the scores..

Next station the peer got down, he came, took the game, looked at me, gave me a wide smile and said "see, i told you, i trust u.. it dsnt take much.. its written all over the face..i won it.. you lived upto it.. " I smiled, i saw him switching it off and packing it.. I wondered what was the deal about? I mean, i had been fighting to keep the game on for last 10 mins, if he had to fold it, why did he waste my time? I went and asked him? He said i was just wondering if "trust" is a science or a gut feel.. I just had a gut feel that you are a nice friend and i can trust you with my game.. There was no science behind it.. I dint know your background, not if you had ever got scores that high, i just played it on gut feel and i was kind of right.. Next time when you see me, trust me, smile at me and talk to me.. your gut feel is better than a 100 questions that mind asks.. :)

My Valentine!

This was an amazing day by all standards. I travelled around, had a candle lit dinner with some friends. Not that i really cared about this day ever, but now that its been coomercialized, it just gives me one more reason to have fun. However, to accept the fact, i never understood what love is all about.
I used to ask Dad if what i felt for him was love? He was always the perfect human on the earth for me for all the love that he showered on me. There wasn't a single day when i did not talk to him and sleep and he was the only person i ever thought of when in odd times or good. I remember my first crush, i thought i was in love.. :) I went to papa and asked if, am i in love? He smiled and said may be, its not something that happens in a day, it just grows and then it stays, there is no replacement, all mistakes just get ignored. Its blind in all senses, but it takes time to get blind, if midway, you open your eyes, you were never in love. I smiled at his words, i did not know what they meant. I just knew that i was in love with papa and the fact that he reads out stories to me, he holds my hand and walks when they are cold and then when there were times i saw no way forward, he just told me there is always a way that led to him and he will be there no matter what i was and who i was.
Its been years that i have talked to him, i will not in this life, its the law of nature. I lost myself for sometime trying to figure out what is life without love, only to know that its there everywhere. I just know that all that has gone into my being is his "love". Whatever i do is his love and passion and whatever i see is the world that he saw in my eyes. And yes, its indeed blind, there is no scope to open eyes. Papa, year on year, till i die, you will be my Valentine. You just made my life worth living by being you. You taught me what love, patience, goodness and honesty means. You taught me what forgiveness means and you also taught me that life will take 100 turns, true love will stand by. Needless to say, "I love you." If Valentines is about the "ONE" you love the most, this day is reserved for you. Thanks for giving me a life i love and loved ones i love and will love.

Cute

Ok! if there is anything that i kind of like this country about, it is the BABIES.. Awe.. they are cho cute, fat, fair and ok.. I dont have words.. I feel like pulling cheeks of all of them.. They are adorable..Sometimes i feel that i should catch all of them and keep with me.. :)

Life Part 2

It was 30th Jan 2010, i landed in London. I had taken an emirates through dubai. I had no feeling. I have been living out of my home for 10 years now. I miss family and home, but i take it as a matter of fact that life has to move on and more comfortably you adapt to it better it is. I just told myself i am 9 hours away from home and i earn enough to visit back India every month, so its ok.
The country is cold and i felt that i would freeze. I came out to take my company cab, my taxi driver was an asian, he asked me a few questions and said, madame, you will like this country.. have you been here before? I said, yes, but not to live. :)
I entered into the YMCA, got the keys of my room which was warm and cosy and slept off. I saw all Indian faces and nothing was very different but for the fact that everything around me was running. I was calm and composed and as always thinking on what next and how. I needed a cell to connect. I needed to call up my freinds and i needed to make new friends.

I met a girl at bfast table and connected. She taught me how to travel through tube and that was the starting point of my survival stint in this city. I have gone long way in two weeks. I kind of learned to find my way, figure out which soup or bread to stuff in to live and have made some friends for life. I like to learn about new culture, i like to meet new people. Everything about this place is an experience and learning. Its good to come out and survive in international location for some years and then think next in life. I miss my home, i miss the simplicity of my country and people. My first day in Canary Wharf, i looked out of the window from 15th floor sipping my cup of tea and looked around at the upper bank street. I saw people in black moving fast from one place to others, i saw empty floors and some buzzing with life.. Suddenly a thought crossed my mind, this is the place of competition, money, intelligence.. It lost millions in last 2-3 years and there must have been so many who lost their dreams jobs, money and life in the battle.. Here, i am, standing amidst the disaster in the business of making money and determination to make myself visible in the crowd of the black dots moving from one place to other. All the Best to myself and i know its important to be more than a dot in life. :)

The Corporate Is Joke!!

Ah well, i cant hold myself from laughing since sometime.. The higher up you grow in life, more arbit you get.. Thats the status of some of the calls that i am a part of.. Sometimes i wonder if anyone knows what he/she is talking about, however everyone seems to be excited about the call and discussions in all directions.. Such meetings are usually so interesting that someones ends up setting up a series of them with a hope of driving some meaningful discussion at least on of the series of calls.. However, for me its like sitcome telecasted everyday at same time.. I tune into the conference and laugh my heart out..
Best are when you prepare for customer visits.. Poor customer has no business and no clue on what goes behind the scene in luring him.. While he is concerned about his hard earned money going out, and looking for sense to come out.. People out there might as well be concerned about the cake, color of balloons, paintings and torturous sessions that he must be subjected to.. These are serious topics.. What color balloons, which hotel, which taxi, what flight, who eats with whom.. And yes, who is the most boring speaker, lets get him in so that he puts the guy with money to sleep and torture him so much that he falls on his feet to give away all that he ever had..
Wooo.. This requires a lot of hard work, finally all sloggers wear the best of clothes sit in an electric car and take the "cat" around before putting it in concentration camp, meticulously prepared for putting it to death..
Isnt' the world fun place to be in? There is no sense anywhere behind all the seriousness on faces.. :D