This moment of time says that i have lost all my beautiful clothes, accessories, shoes and some books. My belongings which i couriered from Bangalore to Delhi have been misplaced. I dont know if i will get back my stuff or not, but it was everything that i ever bought and felt happy about in 4 years of my work life. It had my those little memories which might never come back to me.
I had bought a white lacy suit, a black dazzling saree, an extra expensive sandal, some beautiful earrings, my denim frock, my pink skirt ,my favourite night dress, and the teddy with whom i talked almost everyday. Its all over. These were the things i gifted to myself on special occasions. I was not an impulsive buyer but i do like to pamper myself. On every big achievement of mine, i had something which attracted me added to my wardrobe or bookshelf. I was never keen on big things in life, but these small things mattered a lot to me.
Everyone says they were just clothes, but why do i feel as if i have been devoid of all happiness in life and made to stand on ground 0. It was everything that earning gave to me as a person after 12 hours of hard work everyday. I dont know about my bank balance, i never touched the salary cash with my hands, it was all a number, only thing that i could touch and feel were these little things. Is it all over? Why do i feel i am being brought to ground zero? Not that those clothes defined me, but i possessed them, they were mine. I will come out of it, but i feel bankrupt.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
The Painting!!
Its a blank canvas. The color is white. There are various shapes which have been drawn by time and life. The color is still white. Then comes the painter, the color is not white. The painting has got a whole life painted, the shapes have meaning and there are shades all around. Shades of emotions and life. The background is still white. The painting is admired by one and all. It has reached to an art gallery. The admirers are growing, so is its value. Painter is proud, so is painting, but the background is white. Then one day, someone comes and splashes the water all over. The colors have spilled, shapes have got distorted, painting is crying and then painter says, " Hang on, the background is still white. As long as background is white, life can be painted time and again. Its only when the background is lost, that one loses all hopes. " :)
The painting smiles. The painting is painted again. Its background is white. [ White stands for humility. ]
The painting smiles. The painting is painted again. Its background is white. [ White stands for humility. ]
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Its about Moti Pilla!!!
Its about those two little eyes i love. With every passing day i like Noni more and more and more. He has learned to speak. He loves to blabber, he does not want to sleep and he wants to talk. I like the innocence in his eyes, fun in his soul. I think kids are the best thing in this world and i do feel that JK Rowling is the most successful woman in this world. Its not easy to get into child's world. Like every time noni sleeps with me, i try to make a story full of animals who look cute and adorable. Something tells me his world is so amazing, its full of toys, games, 4 of us. :) The other day he woke up from his sleep crying for a balloon, it must have been a sweet dream. Noni, your bua loves you, you dont even know how much happiness you spread around. Its these little walks with you in search of moti pilla, shyama chiriya that i will miss when i am not around. And i also know that no one in this world can love me the way you do. Its always bua, kaana kaa lo, bua kelo, bua paani peena hai, bua doggie hai, bua cat hai, bua superman hai, bua butu hai. :D You will always remain to be my favourite baby, always, always, always.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
A world beyond!!
Its about my journey over this weekend. We happened to visit some remote places in rajastan. Its not the first time that i went there, but i think i observed quite a few things. I liked the journey coz it was my whole family with me. Sitting next to my driving brother, i wondered how long will it take to reach, and thanks to the amazing highways, we were there in straight 4hours. Its our ancestral temple place called, Fatehpur, which was our destination. We have our kuldevi there and we try to visit the place atleast once in an year. I dont know i believe in God or not, but i do have an element of faith that there is something good about having faith. :) I like everything about that place. The inherent simplicity, the lifetsyle, inherent little happiness. I love it all. I so badly want to peep through those windows and see what life with no complexity would look like.
The earlier stays used to be at our own temple house, but this time we stayed in a hotel called, "Haveli". The hotel was constructed in a haveli. Houses there are huge mansions. They have big squares surrounded by huge rooms. When i was a little child, papa took me to our Haveli, it is supposed to be the largest mansion in the surrounding, it had 7 squares, huge doors, a well in back yard, beautifully painted walls. I was like, papa was a king may be. :) Papa took me through half of the haveli as its too big to cover. He showed me room which belonged to my dadi ma. The yard, where cows and camels used to ke kept. It was in bad state then. No one lives there anymore. The haveli was left when my dad was 4-5 years old may be. But i remember, as a kid it was all like a fairy tale to me.
Today, after years may be, it still is a fairy tale to me. There are cemented small roads, no big cars, some 8 seater autos, huge huge mansions, small, little shops and those windows i want to look into. As i stood in the temple, i remembered of a girl whom i have seen everytime i have visited this temple. And i said God, will she still be here? God is powerful, i was sitting in one corner pondering, when i heard the temple bell and i looked at the girl's face, yes, she is there. I did not say anything to her, i am sure she would not recognize me, its just one of those little memories in my head. Its all so familiar. Some facts of life never change.
We headed for some market tour. There were small shops of laquere bangles, shining laces, suits, shoes. I decided to buy a pair of pearl bangles for me. Two women slightly shy looked at me and said wear both, you have bought them.(there is no system of carrying bangles in packet, you buy and you wear.) I smiled and kind of felt proud to possess the white delicacy. This is called simple pleasure. I never felt so when i shop worth thousands in bangalore or delhi.
I love the way youngsters dressed like salman khan, ride on their bike to no where. There are shy young girls, who will sit on small shops and spend hours bargaining for local lipsticks worth 15. The old women sitting infront of houses and keeping an eye on neighbours. Ever wondered, life is just so simple for these people. Its about two little sweet shops, a visit to temple for prasad, about the latests in town gossip and a peaceful sleep. There are no BIG cars, no furniture shops, no big dreams which keep you awake whole night. Its about two meals and your image in the small town.
As we headed back to delhi, the roads started widening, the expenses started increasing, the complexity started building up. My mind was full of pre terms, accounts, finance, big dreams, confusions. I want to live a life as simple as the one i left behind, for a day. I know its difficult, but i want to experience it for a day may be. Its just the inherent innocence of being untouched by moribund city life, which makes those people so lovable. I wish i could erase all my learnings and experience the happiness of possessing those white pearl bangles for a day and sleep with a certainity of a similar day coming up. Things have started changing so often in my life that the word "routine" has lost its meaning. I am sure that while things will become better in worldly sense, i feel i will lose myself and my free spirit with every step up. Its all a fairy tale for sure. In real life, my mind has been corrupted, i know luxuries, i know comforts. Happiness is not so simple for me, may be its a world beyond.
The earlier stays used to be at our own temple house, but this time we stayed in a hotel called, "Haveli". The hotel was constructed in a haveli. Houses there are huge mansions. They have big squares surrounded by huge rooms. When i was a little child, papa took me to our Haveli, it is supposed to be the largest mansion in the surrounding, it had 7 squares, huge doors, a well in back yard, beautifully painted walls. I was like, papa was a king may be. :) Papa took me through half of the haveli as its too big to cover. He showed me room which belonged to my dadi ma. The yard, where cows and camels used to ke kept. It was in bad state then. No one lives there anymore. The haveli was left when my dad was 4-5 years old may be. But i remember, as a kid it was all like a fairy tale to me.
Today, after years may be, it still is a fairy tale to me. There are cemented small roads, no big cars, some 8 seater autos, huge huge mansions, small, little shops and those windows i want to look into. As i stood in the temple, i remembered of a girl whom i have seen everytime i have visited this temple. And i said God, will she still be here? God is powerful, i was sitting in one corner pondering, when i heard the temple bell and i looked at the girl's face, yes, she is there. I did not say anything to her, i am sure she would not recognize me, its just one of those little memories in my head. Its all so familiar. Some facts of life never change.
We headed for some market tour. There were small shops of laquere bangles, shining laces, suits, shoes. I decided to buy a pair of pearl bangles for me. Two women slightly shy looked at me and said wear both, you have bought them.(there is no system of carrying bangles in packet, you buy and you wear.) I smiled and kind of felt proud to possess the white delicacy. This is called simple pleasure. I never felt so when i shop worth thousands in bangalore or delhi.
I love the way youngsters dressed like salman khan, ride on their bike to no where. There are shy young girls, who will sit on small shops and spend hours bargaining for local lipsticks worth 15. The old women sitting infront of houses and keeping an eye on neighbours. Ever wondered, life is just so simple for these people. Its about two little sweet shops, a visit to temple for prasad, about the latests in town gossip and a peaceful sleep. There are no BIG cars, no furniture shops, no big dreams which keep you awake whole night. Its about two meals and your image in the small town.
As we headed back to delhi, the roads started widening, the expenses started increasing, the complexity started building up. My mind was full of pre terms, accounts, finance, big dreams, confusions. I want to live a life as simple as the one i left behind, for a day. I know its difficult, but i want to experience it for a day may be. Its just the inherent innocence of being untouched by moribund city life, which makes those people so lovable. I wish i could erase all my learnings and experience the happiness of possessing those white pearl bangles for a day and sleep with a certainity of a similar day coming up. Things have started changing so often in my life that the word "routine" has lost its meaning. I am sure that while things will become better in worldly sense, i feel i will lose myself and my free spirit with every step up. Its all a fairy tale for sure. In real life, my mind has been corrupted, i know luxuries, i know comforts. Happiness is not so simple for me, may be its a world beyond.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Dark Inside!!
The hazy world- shine, shimmer, liquor, big talks, royal ignores, show off. Dishonesty, grapevine, betrayal, street smartness to reach the top. I have been hearing these words for ages now. Started back in 1999 when i joined DU for grad. I still dont relate to it. I have done great in my job by being myself. No non sense, no buttering, no drinking and smoking,no flirting, no being a part of grape vine, being ruthlessly straight forward, having fun by being a part of all fun movies, tours and parties. People have not hated me for being me, i think my relations are there to stay because there were no pretensions and no false justifications. And dirt filters out for itself, i dont have to put an effort. I know hollow people cant stand me and i dont make an effort either. :)
Why do i find the other part of the world hollow? I do, with logics. I am a part of other part of world too. I watch them closely. There is always an insecurity hidden behind faces covered with anxiety, fear, and a smirky smile. There is a restlessness to prove, to stand out. Yet they tend to diminish, because the "me" and "what i want" part is non existent. Most of the time , its a life lived for others perception. No one knows if it makes them happy or not. No one knows if its worth their money and time or not, but it exists. Is it search of finding lost identity in dark?
Anyway, i know i am talking vague, but it makes a lot of sense to me. Originality is so rare, even at the top. But there is a place for everyone. Lets see who wins and who loses in the end. Alright here's another part of world, its my cutie baby nephew Noni who wins, he dsnt care, lives his life, does what he wants to do, talks in his language and dsnt give up till he gets what he wants. I think day on day i know that i love him the most in this world, because he is original, always drunk in passion to achieve his sweet, little goals, and lets the failures go away by shifting his focus by finding alternative ways. Every human is so meant to be succesful when he/she is born and then he grows up to look like world wants him/her to, learns to be an averager. Sad, huh!!
NO wonder all parties are dark, dull and artificially lit with loud music to hide the meaningless murmers. Its really hollow. :)
Why do i find the other part of the world hollow? I do, with logics. I am a part of other part of world too. I watch them closely. There is always an insecurity hidden behind faces covered with anxiety, fear, and a smirky smile. There is a restlessness to prove, to stand out. Yet they tend to diminish, because the "me" and "what i want" part is non existent. Most of the time , its a life lived for others perception. No one knows if it makes them happy or not. No one knows if its worth their money and time or not, but it exists. Is it search of finding lost identity in dark?
Anyway, i know i am talking vague, but it makes a lot of sense to me. Originality is so rare, even at the top. But there is a place for everyone. Lets see who wins and who loses in the end. Alright here's another part of world, its my cutie baby nephew Noni who wins, he dsnt care, lives his life, does what he wants to do, talks in his language and dsnt give up till he gets what he wants. I think day on day i know that i love him the most in this world, because he is original, always drunk in passion to achieve his sweet, little goals, and lets the failures go away by shifting his focus by finding alternative ways. Every human is so meant to be succesful when he/she is born and then he grows up to look like world wants him/her to, learns to be an averager. Sad, huh!!
NO wonder all parties are dark, dull and artificially lit with loud music to hide the meaningless murmers. Its really hollow. :)
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Yeyyyyyyyyyyyyy
This is amazing.. My team gave me surprise gifts.. Financial Analyst called up said, there is an urgent work, i want to see you. Come out of building near fountain.My heart skipped a beat. Man!! financial problem on 2nd last day? I pinged Jay in Pune, is it the revenue report? He said yes may be some issues, dont worry will sort it. Just go and check with her, i will try and call her too.
I was like, fine, delay the 5 o clk call please, i dread these financial and revenue related problems. :(
I walked out with 200 things on mind. Suddenly the lady walks down, all smiles. I was like why is she smiling when issue us so urgent? And she hands over two packets to me. One full of books and other is supposed to be something special. This is from your team and Jay organized it for you. I was soooooooooo thrilled. It had all the books i would have loved to read. We often discussed on books. He actually took the pain of selecting the titles for me.
The little box has a magic cup. It says," If dreams are big enough, facts dont matter. " :P I am sure this evolved out of my arguments with him that facts are just stats, they evolve out of risks finally. And it says, "All The Best from ES solutions Team. " and it has a nice nice pic of mine. God knows from where did they get it. :D
Alright, i am loving it. My table is full of gifts. I have 4 books and a mug.
THANK YOU TEAM!! I love to recieve gifts specially when they come with so much of surprise. And special thanks to Jay for putting in so much effort.
I was like, fine, delay the 5 o clk call please, i dread these financial and revenue related problems. :(
I walked out with 200 things on mind. Suddenly the lady walks down, all smiles. I was like why is she smiling when issue us so urgent? And she hands over two packets to me. One full of books and other is supposed to be something special. This is from your team and Jay organized it for you. I was soooooooooo thrilled. It had all the books i would have loved to read. We often discussed on books. He actually took the pain of selecting the titles for me.
The little box has a magic cup. It says," If dreams are big enough, facts dont matter. " :P I am sure this evolved out of my arguments with him that facts are just stats, they evolve out of risks finally. And it says, "All The Best from ES solutions Team. " and it has a nice nice pic of mine. God knows from where did they get it. :D
Alright, i am loving it. My table is full of gifts. I have 4 books and a mug.
THANK YOU TEAM!! I love to recieve gifts specially when they come with so much of surprise. And special thanks to Jay for putting in so much effort.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Richie Rich!!
Bidding adieu. Lots of miss you, difficult to let you go, hugs, love yous, keep in touch, all the bests.. :(
Life is all about moving on. But somehow i know that all those love yous and miss yous are genuine, because i feel the same way for all. Its been a small world. I met some people on road, and then in a restaurant and then in organization and then again and again. Our paths crossed and we became friends for lifetime. Each one i came across is smart, intelligent, fun loving and unique in his/her own sense. We had intelligent discussions, funny anecdotes, learnings and aspirations. I came across many many people. In the end what remains is a pool of people i relate to and they are there to stay.
I have a very big learning from last two years. Its not the work, its the people you interact with, who define your growth. The kind of people i have met in last two years have simply brought out a lot of skills hidden in me.
I just know that good people and challenges have to be constant in life. You will grow only when you face challenges and when you will have people to say that you can get better.
In the end, its not a bye bye. Its a keep in touch message. I was fortunate to meet each one and i have received some learnings from all. If there is anything that i have earned in last 4 years, its not my bank balance, its the people and learnings from them. I am taking my old friends as treasure and will keep increasing my wealth with every passing year.
Its a small world and i know that our paths will cross for sure. I have a strong belief that we meet people for a reason called "destiny". There are millions of people whom you see every day, its just few who you interact with. Who filters that for you? Its destiny, isnt it? :)
Life is all about moving on. But somehow i know that all those love yous and miss yous are genuine, because i feel the same way for all. Its been a small world. I met some people on road, and then in a restaurant and then in organization and then again and again. Our paths crossed and we became friends for lifetime. Each one i came across is smart, intelligent, fun loving and unique in his/her own sense. We had intelligent discussions, funny anecdotes, learnings and aspirations. I came across many many people. In the end what remains is a pool of people i relate to and they are there to stay.
I have a very big learning from last two years. Its not the work, its the people you interact with, who define your growth. The kind of people i have met in last two years have simply brought out a lot of skills hidden in me.
I just know that good people and challenges have to be constant in life. You will grow only when you face challenges and when you will have people to say that you can get better.
In the end, its not a bye bye. Its a keep in touch message. I was fortunate to meet each one and i have received some learnings from all. If there is anything that i have earned in last 4 years, its not my bank balance, its the people and learnings from them. I am taking my old friends as treasure and will keep increasing my wealth with every passing year.
Its a small world and i know that our paths will cross for sure. I have a strong belief that we meet people for a reason called "destiny". There are millions of people whom you see every day, its just few who you interact with. Who filters that for you? Its destiny, isnt it? :)
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